BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
