Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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