i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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