you guys were way drunker than both of me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
