pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
