Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
