A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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