bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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