i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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