My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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