It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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