the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
please don't ironically join a cult
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