The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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