he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize