You smell like a Billy Joel song
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
