You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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