I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
