Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
