i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
