What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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