somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize