ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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