I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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