I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
