Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
