my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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