well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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