On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
