I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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