I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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