This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
