4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
