nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
