i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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