I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
