i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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