I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
