24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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