I feel great
I just peed on a car
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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