I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
handjob tips. give me some.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
