AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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