Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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