Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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