Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
