I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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