UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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