If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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