They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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