This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
