Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm really busy with my period
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