Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
