My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
