i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
