oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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