Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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