omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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