I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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