His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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