just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
