Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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