I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
