I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize