I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
