Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
