Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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