So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
